I was thinking that a bit of background might be useful...A recent experience illustrates just how far down the path of goofiness I have gone. Or perhaps I should say the "path of I don't know how to talk to a single man anymore".... in person...
I have been on and off Internet dating sites for a few years. In fact, when I think about it, all of the men (except for 1) that I have dated/had coffee with/met for a drink in the last 5 years I have met online. Which means that the introductions and initial chit chat was taken care of via email. Which also means that when I am face to face with someone that I haven't already gotten to know virtually, I am clueless about what to say. Face it - when you meet online, you know what they do, where they live, what food they eat, music they listen to, what movie they last saw and their view on housework, religion, politics and that's before you even contact them. So, when I see a man now - he is a blank slate... a great unknown... and I freeze.
Here's the situation. I was online a couple of years ago, and had exchanged a couple of brief emails with "R", discovered we worked in similar fields, then I decided to "give it a go" with someone else online and went off line(again). Ok, time passes, and I am at work and realize that one of the guys I keep passing in the hallway is "R" - I think. I mean, he's 6' something, bald, has tattoos - could be anyone right? I mean, if it was him don't you think he would have said hi? If he did know it was me and didn't say hi, it must be because he doesn't want to admit that he knows me...We didn't even make eye contact. Good grief, what was I meant to do? I couldn't just go up and say, "Hi! Aren't you the guy I emailed on the online dating site a couple of years ago?" Well, I could have - but I didn't. I just continued to pass him in the hallway and remained intent on checking out his shoes...
So - how do I deal with this? I decide that the obvious thing to do is to re join the site, see if he is there, and contact him via email - it's worth $20 to try and hang onto a little bit of dignity isn't it? And that's what I did. And yes... it was him... and yes, he remembered me... and yes, he agreed it was kind of weird bringing it up at work... okay, so I am not a complete goof... we met a couple of times for coffee... and that was it because really, it just wasn't ... it... so I go offline... again... and interestingly, around the same time that we actually met and spoke to each other we both had schedule changes and now work on completely different days and never see each other. Phew...
Showing posts with label internet dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label internet dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Welcome to my quest
According to Wikipedia, a quest is:
"A journey towards a goal...In literature, the objects of quests require great exertion on the part of the hero and the overcoming of many obstacles, typically including much travel especially over a body of water."
I am a 40something year old woman and I am on a quest for "Mr. Right." I am the hero of this story and come to think of it, I did sail to New Zealand from the Caribbean, so it appears as if I am on the right watery track. I also live in a very wet area of New Zealand, so technically, I am puddle jumping quite frequently so there are more watery obstacles I am meant to overcome - I must be getting close! Instead of only sharing this seemingly endless quest with whomever is within shouting distance, I thought I would share my journey... my quest... with whomever actually feels like listening. No more cornering friends at dinner parties or at the bus stop with my latest lament. I am saving it for this blog. I am saving it for those who voluntarily choose to have an ear/eye full.
Here's the deal. I am tired of being "the single one" or the one who is with "what's his name?" Actually, the running joke is sort of along the lines of "who am I chatting/skyping to now?" I am getting heaps better at shortening the turn over time. I used to take years to move on... then months... then weeks...days... I now seem to be able to find enough faults to warrant the ending before the beginning actually even occurs. How clever am I?
Not very...
Here's how it works now. I have begun this interesting habit of joining a dating site when I am fed up with being single and feeling that I need to be proactive - you know, my soul mate is NOT going to just show up on my doorstep no matter how much I try to visualize him doing so. Anyway, the joining is not really the interesting part... the part that is amusing to friends is the part where after a day or two(literally), I get weirded out... about putting myself out there and not REALLY knowing if the man on the other end is really who he says he is, or I think I really don't have enough time to commit to this or I don't get any messages or smiles and think "is my profile/photo THAT bad?", or I don't get any replies to my messages- hey, when I said it's "cool if you don't write back" - I was lying!.. or I only get messages from men 20 years older than me who have just had heart surgery... or I read the message he does send and decide there are too many grammatical errors or too much text talk (LOL!) or he is too responsive and eager and must be desperate...and I cancel my subscription. So basically, I should just go and give $20 to a more needy recipient - someone who might actually use it...
This time it is going to be different. I have joined again and have been a member for 3 days! Nice one! Times are a changing... sort of...
I wrote to a guy that I had been chatting with a couple of years ago (yup, I have been doing this on and off for some time now). I did this because I recalled that he seemed nice with some similar interests and thought that though he wasn't quite what I was looking for back then, perhaps it was time for a change in direction. Okay ... seemed like a good plan to me... he wrote back almost immediately with a fairly long, friendly and amusing response. Oh no- how dare he! Too quick and too lengthy - and of course this must mean...... too eager. Oh, and also he lives and works too far away - I forgot about that...
So I have now, after one exchange of messages, officially panicked.
Well done. That might be a new speed record for me.
Houston, we have a problem.... I thought I was ready to change, but for some reason, I don't seem to allow myself to go there. Perhaps some part of me wants to remain single? It reminds me of a quote from Richard Bach's book One:
“No one can solve problems for someone whose problem is that they don’t want problems solved...No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it…”
- Richard Bach
Something to ponder....
"A journey towards a goal...In literature, the objects of quests require great exertion on the part of the hero and the overcoming of many obstacles, typically including much travel especially over a body of water."
I am a 40something year old woman and I am on a quest for "Mr. Right." I am the hero of this story and come to think of it, I did sail to New Zealand from the Caribbean, so it appears as if I am on the right watery track. I also live in a very wet area of New Zealand, so technically, I am puddle jumping quite frequently so there are more watery obstacles I am meant to overcome - I must be getting close! Instead of only sharing this seemingly endless quest with whomever is within shouting distance, I thought I would share my journey... my quest... with whomever actually feels like listening. No more cornering friends at dinner parties or at the bus stop with my latest lament. I am saving it for this blog. I am saving it for those who voluntarily choose to have an ear/eye full.
Here's the deal. I am tired of being "the single one" or the one who is with "what's his name?" Actually, the running joke is sort of along the lines of "who am I chatting/skyping to now?" I am getting heaps better at shortening the turn over time. I used to take years to move on... then months... then weeks...days... I now seem to be able to find enough faults to warrant the ending before the beginning actually even occurs. How clever am I?
Not very...
Here's how it works now. I have begun this interesting habit of joining a dating site when I am fed up with being single and feeling that I need to be proactive - you know, my soul mate is NOT going to just show up on my doorstep no matter how much I try to visualize him doing so. Anyway, the joining is not really the interesting part... the part that is amusing to friends is the part where after a day or two(literally), I get weirded out... about putting myself out there and not REALLY knowing if the man on the other end is really who he says he is, or I think I really don't have enough time to commit to this or I don't get any messages or smiles and think "is my profile/photo THAT bad?", or I don't get any replies to my messages- hey, when I said it's "cool if you don't write back" - I was lying!.. or I only get messages from men 20 years older than me who have just had heart surgery... or I read the message he does send and decide there are too many grammatical errors or too much text talk (LOL!) or he is too responsive and eager and must be desperate...and I cancel my subscription. So basically, I should just go and give $20 to a more needy recipient - someone who might actually use it...
This time it is going to be different. I have joined again and have been a member for 3 days! Nice one! Times are a changing... sort of...
I wrote to a guy that I had been chatting with a couple of years ago (yup, I have been doing this on and off for some time now). I did this because I recalled that he seemed nice with some similar interests and thought that though he wasn't quite what I was looking for back then, perhaps it was time for a change in direction. Okay ... seemed like a good plan to me... he wrote back almost immediately with a fairly long, friendly and amusing response. Oh no- how dare he! Too quick and too lengthy - and of course this must mean...... too eager. Oh, and also he lives and works too far away - I forgot about that...
So I have now, after one exchange of messages, officially panicked.
Well done. That might be a new speed record for me.
Houston, we have a problem.... I thought I was ready to change, but for some reason, I don't seem to allow myself to go there. Perhaps some part of me wants to remain single? It reminds me of a quote from Richard Bach's book One:
“No one can solve problems for someone whose problem is that they don’t want problems solved...No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it…”
- Richard Bach
Something to ponder....
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