To text or not to text ... that is the question

I just found this draft from early 2011... not sure why it wasn't published, but I think it's worth putting out there... so here it is... (keep in mind, this occurred BEFORE the blog that precedes it)

early 2011
Hello cyberspace! After a very long time away from this blog, I feel that it is time to revisit and begin posting again.  The reason for this is that I think I need an intervention.  Writing here will keep me from writing elsewhere - more specifically from texting.

So here's the question that I have:  Why is it that when a guy is totally showing interest in me, I am initially excited then almost immediately repelled.  Crazy eh? It's the old, "Oh yahooo someone finds me attractive, interesting, worthy of their attention (fill in the blanks here folks)" and then this other inner conversation sets in, "oh he's a bit needy if he is contacting me so much" or "ohh, I think I am just filling up empty space in his day - if he wasn't so bored or lonely he wouldn't be talking to me..." or "why does he always talk about himself and not about me?" ... or...

So then I think..."I don't want this in a relationship.  This is not what I am looking for in a potential partner..." So then, I pull away.  Don't make myself available on Skype and don't initiate any texts... and then it happens....

HE pulls away and it drives me bananas!  I look at my phone making sure I didn't miss a message... log into Skype just in case he wants to contact me.  I contact him with silly little comments or questions about his day.  He answers but does not initiate contact with me anymore... and I am hooked.  How annoying is that?! 

To be honest, in this age of technology, I find the whole idea of building a relationship via skype and texting rather yucky.  Yes I said yucky...  It's less than ideal because what I have discovered is that men are often different online then they are in person .  I don't mean physically, I mean communication wise (this could go for anyone really - especially folks who prefer the comfort of the written word to face to face interactions...).  This particular guy is extremely emotional on skype - writing about all sorts of in depth issues and things that I don't get a glimpse of in person.  Which is fine because who wants to solve world problems and deep inner issues all of the time but the contrast is so great that I almost wonder if someone else is over there doing the typing/communicating for him... hmmm... I really really really don't like internet dating!

2012 thoughts:
I read this and realized that this was a truly ridiculous game that I was playing in my head and that he was playing too... it is so unnecessary and such a waste of time and energy ... here's to a straight up honest relationship, without the second guessing, without the head games... from either one of us...