Finding or Keeping... is that the question?

An interesting question was posed to me regarding my last post.  This friend commented that it "sounds like the problem is not so much 'meeting'[Mr Right] as 'keeping'..." Thinking about this I thought that I do meet potential partners, it's just that once we are together, it goes a bit off and I or he realizes that it's just not "it."  The reply was that this still is a 'not keeping' issue.  I agree with the thought that it is a form of not keeping. I still think I am on a quest for Mr Right because whether I meet someone and don't 'keep' him or whether I don't meet him at all, it's still a case of not being in a relationship with Mr Right.

His response was, "Do you think people with 'keepers' managed to find people with fewer reject-able qualities, or do you think they have a higher threshold for reject-ability?"  

Good question! My response is yes! Both! 

I think people with 'keepers' learn or have learned to notice the 'keeper' qualities and not notice or put as much weight behind reject-able qualities...therefore, it feels as if they have partners with fewer reject-able qualities AND they have a higher threshold for reject-ability.

Which has me thinking now... could any of my previous dates/relationships been with Mr Right? Yes... they could have.  

Here's the dilemma I have with that thought.   In one particular relationship,  I stayed with someone I thought was Mr Right...I stayed through some pretty ugly stuff... let my feelings of self esteem plummet to very low depths...became a green eyed jealous crazy woman... gave some very strong/weighty meaning to events that happened to me or around me...and I stayed...and he stayed...and we both suffered. 

Another friend commented:

"I think we are all shackled by this relationship thing whether it be marriage or partnership. It's some goal we have to achieve and maintain at all costs like it's the ultimate state. I think we succeed better as individuals having close friends, intimate friends, loose friends, acquaintances, and our own selves." 

Another good point... when is it the right choice to move on?

I firmly believe that we find what we are looking for and that just because we find it, does not mean the "flip side" does not exist simultaneously.  It's all about perspective.  So - when we meet someone and see all of their brilliant qualities, it does not mean that there are not  'reject-able' qualities there too.  We just don't see them at the time.  Same goes for the moment all of those 'reject-able' qualities take the main stage.  This does not mean that those lovable qualities don't exist anymore - it's just that we don't notice them.  

I suppose the position I find myself in at the moment is the one where my filter is looking for the reject-able qualities first.  Imagining how they are a problem or will be.  

Helpful? Not really.

Protective? Yes

Another quick thought on finding what we are looking for.  Have you heard this idea that if I tell you NOT to think about a pink elephant, all you can do is actually think about that pink elephant? Well it's true.  If I tell myself not to do something or to think about something - I am focused on the thing I don't want to do.  Alternatively, if I think about what I WANT - then that's the focus.  Soooo, thinking about the things I don't want in a relationship/partner will only serve to have me noticing those things in someone.  Useful...

Seek and you shall find... but be careful because what you don't want to find...you might actually find if you seek it.